I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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