Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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