your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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