I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
