His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
