If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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