I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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