Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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