Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
