She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
