Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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