He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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