I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
