Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
