They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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