i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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