umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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