You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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