Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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