So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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