...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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