you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
