I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
