So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
