Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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