so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
