you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
