He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
