ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this hospital has no fireball
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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