I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
