Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
