I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he thought i was a dude.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
