We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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