YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
