How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
