idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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