Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
