Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
