The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
