My hand turned me down
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize