Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Damn victory sex feels great
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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