His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
