just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
