toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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