I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
