oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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