I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
