I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
