I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
