Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
