Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
