Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
