By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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