Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
