I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
