The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
