I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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