Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
