She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
