I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
