dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
