I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
