i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just pynch a tree in the face
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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