If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize