u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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