The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
