im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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