So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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