You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
