We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
