I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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