he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
