If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
