why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
