sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
