There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
