i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
