there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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