puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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