The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
