today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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