i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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