i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
