your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
