Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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