Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
